Dusty's Back, Tell a Friend!

Oh boi, guess who is back?  That's right; this 'lil punk!! I sincerely apologize for not posting in so long.  For the longest time I had to use my sister's laptop to have internet access.  The thing with her laptop is, is that the keyboard wouldn't work.  So to type, you had to click every single, freaking, letter you needed.  It was super slow and annoying.

I will be posting a video shortly....catching you up on everything that has happened since we last spoke.  Well, I'll try at least.  I don't remember too much from my summer strangely.  I remember it being the best though? Hmm...we will see.

LSOH Showtime!

     Little Shop of Horrors, Boonville High School's 2011 Spring musical, finally came along and went better than ever!  There is a lot I could say about all 4 performances that week, but all in all it was an amazing success.  The cast and crew did an amazing job!!!  The cast parties after each performace were definitely memories that'll last forever! 

It's Your Time; Time to Fly

    
     Fly, by Hilary Duff is one of the most inspirational songs I have ever heard.  This song really gets to me.  It keeps me, strong.  It keeps my motivation going, and reminds me of why I do what I do. 
     I really am considering writing and directing a small script, using this song and adding in situations that fit with this song to do for my Senior Year Academy Awatds at my high school.  Academy Awards is a night where the drama troupe has a dinner then do a "talent show" like program, but only for drama members.  I feel like this would be very inspirational and will touch someone.  Even if it only touches people a little bit, or just one person, I would be proud with that.

New Kicks

     My aunt told me I could get some new shoes, FINALLY!  So she hands me $120 and just lets me go wherever I want to get shoes.  So of course, I go to the mall.  I search every damn store to find the perfect pair of shoes.  Tradehome is where I finally found a great pair.  This one dude who was working there pretty much picked them out for me.  He was SOOOOO cute and blone :]  We had a pretty nice conversation about random shit.  He goes to USI, so maybe I will see him at the USI Springfest.

Here is the result of my adventure <3

Little Shop of Horros

     Alright, so I am not exactly sure what I have told you about Boonville High School's production of Little Shop Of Horrors.  So, I think I shall start from the beginning.

     We have been working on LSOH since the beginning of January.  At first,  I only had the part of a Wino Dancer and Mr Berstein.  But after about a month or so, I got the part of the Plant Puppeteer for Act 1.  It is pretty fun to play 3 different parts in one entire play. 

     The musical premiers April 14, 15, and 16 at 7PM and 17 at 2PM.  Cost is 7 dollars and you can reserve tickets or order them at the door.

^^ That is my baby, Audrey II (Twoey) <3

Saturday Nights!

     Hah, the title of this would make you think I had a great time this past Saturday night.  Well that wasn't the case at all!

     First off, I had to attend Saturday school at 8AM in the morning until 11:45.  It was reduke and mad boring.  I had trig homework to do and history studying and that only killed like a little over an hour.  There were about 10 kids there and most of them were in there for the same reason I was; being tardy.  Apparently, I have 10 demerits.  They really should inform their students on how many demerits they have.
     So because of this delema, I had to miss painting the set for the high school's musical Little Shop Of Horrors.  When i got out of class, I went to see what they had done and it was AMAZING.  I'll have pictures put up in a little bit.  I really wish I could've been a part of that.

     Then afterwards, none of my plans went right.  I could've went to Cait's party, but had to get my aunt from work, Daniel went to Bloomington, and Derek stood me up again. 

     So that was my FABULOUS saturday night.  Wasn't it amazing?  Geez, I can't wait till Spring Break!

Bling Bling

     I drove to the mall this past Saturday.  It wasn't my intention to go there, but I had nothing else to do.  When I left Boonville, I managed to run into Brandan, not literally thankfully, but I followed him all the way into Evansville.  I tried to play leap frog with him, with cars, but he never caught the hint.  It was fun though!

At the mall, I got a necklace from Spencers.  Have a look! :]

   
 Isn't it badass!?? I love it already!  What do you think?!!

Secluded Valentine

     Valentines Day, that one day out of the year were couples try and make their relationship to the next level, or make it more special to each other.  Sadly, I don' think I have celebrated one Valentines Day with anyone special.  I didn't even get anything this year.  No hugs, cards, gifts, or "I love you's," from friends.  Isn't that kinda sad?
     Oh well.  I have gotten use to that fact.  It just kind of bothered me that I was stood up, and the guy I was gonna go on a date with just randomly decided to get a boyfriend.  Hah, need I say more?  Exactly.

     I came across this picture of Brent Everett, and I must say, he is so fucking sexy.  Like, i seriously got a boner from this dude.  HOT DAYUHMM! 

That's all <3

    

Randomness

     So, I made a few videos.  Keep in mind it was a Sunday and I hadn't showered :]

This was my first attempt...

So, on to serious business, when the superbowl had ended, Green Bay had one.  It was a close game there at the end.  I was rooting for the Steelers, and sadly lost a bet with a buddy Tyler McQueen.  I have to take a picture in a bra and hulu skirt thing now. Haha.  I'll post it up here too :D

Feelings To Date

I found like, three songs from Lindsay Lohan that I have never heard of until this week.  Apparently they came out in 2010.  I don't know why I haven't heard of them, but I really like them.  All three of them seem to connect into my mood at the time.  So feel free to listen, and pay attention to the lyrics. 

I didn't really like them at first either, but they grew on me:] 

There are music videos, but honestly, I think they kinda suck.  She isn't even singing the words.  So I don't know if they are official or what.

Solo & Ensemble 2011

     It was that time of the year again for those crazy band kids; solo and ensemble.

     Saturday, January 29 was the day of this event.  Usually the weather is "ball freezing," but this time it was "sunroof open/shit off" weather.  I enjoyed it a lot.  I got to drive the car, I drove with the sunroof and windows down and blared music like a fucking rock star!
     It was fun and all, until I get to the University of Evansville where the event was held, and couldn't find The Slice.  The Slice is a restaurant where I told Beth I would meet her at, at 12.  When I got to the University it was almost 12:30.  For some odd reason, my mom's GPS would not locate it.
     So I walk around the campus, hoping I will see someone I know so I can borrow a cell phone.  Mine had no calling or text.  I needed to get ahold of Beth to let her know I was trying my best to get there.  I finally got ahold of Beth from Emily's phone and she was absolutely no help at all.  At that point, I was getting pissed, and just decided to drive around for a bit until I found it. 
     In the process, I was making a left turn while trying to juggle my GPS, the streering wheel, and looking around for this place.  I thought it was clear, but obviously I was wrong.  Next thing I knew a car was honking at me, but I just kept going.  If I didn't I would;ve been smacked on the right side.  I was totally freaked out after that, but just tried to shake it off.
     Then about 5-10 seconds later, I am looking down at my GPS and I look up to check the road and I see a red stoplight.  At that point I'm just, done.  I ran through it.  Didn't really have a choice.  So I just figured it would be best for me to pull over and chill for a bit.

     After about 10 or 15 minutes I decide to just head back to the University.  Well, on my way back, I see it at a place I drove by when I first got there.  NEVER, have I been so relieved!

     Once Beth and I finished eating, we headed back to the University.  My first performance was with the large brass ensemble.  Right after performing, the judge told us straight up we were going to state.  I wasn't really suprised though.  My last ensemble performed RIGHT after the large brass performance.  We didn't have much time to warm up at all.
     By the end of it, my lips were starting to die, but I held in there.  In the end, the judge awarded us with a silver.

     Overall, not a bad day at all!  I'm excited about going to state!.  Next year, I am going to take a solo.  I would be honored to go to state with it as well! :]

Bromance

     This niggah right here,

     Oops, i mean, this niggah,

  Brad fucking Naumann is straight up one of the chillest dudes you could ever meet; besides his best friend and my good friend Jake J.
  With all the bullshit that happened with Cain, Brad was generous enough to do a favor fo me.  I was talking to Bradster on Facebook IM and I got the crazy idea to ask him to my prom.  I was nervous as fuck, knowing he was straight and all and will probably say no becasue of that reason.  Thankfully, he said he would go with me.  You know how much this means to me?  He is cool enough to go to a junior prom with a fag and not care about what people think.  How many straight guys would do that for their buddy? I love Brad to death for doing this for me.  I can't wait for all this shit to happen.  its gonna be RIDICULOUS!!! :D
     Sadly though, I think this years prom theme is gonna me "Under the Sea."  Sounds lame, right?  I was really hoping it was going to be a masquerade, but apparently that is the theme for my senior prom.  I'm definatly looking forward to that.

What Is Different?!

     Remember a guy I told you about in my first blog, Cain Hueftle?  If you don't know who I'm talking about and really care to wanna know, then go check out my blog Inside My Head.  Well, onto the story, he pretty much just fucked me over, again.  Just like every single mother fucking guy I have ever met.
 
     Let me give fill you in a bit.  Cain and I were talking about going to my junior prom together.  Instead of thinking "Oh, this is definatly not gonna happen'" I thought, "Wow!  This is absolutly perfect!  Nothing could be better."  Well what a dumbass move!  He started doing that thing were he stops talking to me for absolutely no reason.  Then, I noticed he actually was purposely ignoring me. 

     I finally got him to talk to me today.  I texted him and asked if we could talk about prom (for about the millionth time now).  He said he couldn't, cause of his boyfriend.  That's when it all made sense to me.  Every single time he gets a boyfriend, he stops talking to me.  Hah, isn't he a great friend.  I learned today that he obviously doesn't care about me.  He proved to me that I am NOTHING to him.  Ever since we met, it was like this.  When I though he cared SO much, he really didn't.  He even acted like it, recently too.
     He says he doesn't care, but I dont think I believe that honestly.  But from his word, he doesn't/

     Cain was suppose to be different.  He was the one person that I had still talked to from my past, and that was actually a pretty decent friend.  Why?  Why the hell did I think he would be different?  Nobody else has been that I talked to.  Maybe that's cause I thought he was seriously special.  He is someone I can't go without thinking about.  No matter what I'm doing or who's around me.  He was there in the back of my mind.  Always.

     I'm so pissed.  I'm not fighting to keep our friendship anymore.  I should've stopped the first time he quit putting effort into it.  Giving me pathetic excuses that he is too busy.  Who isn't?

     Cain H.....I was better off not knowing that name.  Sad thing is, I'd kill for one day with you still.

Tough Fighter, Strong Champion

     It is another school night, and I'm up late again.  Go figure.  I just, really need to let some stuff out though.  It has been bothering me for s great deal of time.

     If you know me, like really know me, then you should understand that I am not the kind of guy that lets anything get to me.  I do everything I possibly can to stay happy, because it is pretty much an easy thing to do.  That is, at least, when I'm out in public and with outhers.  I keep a smile on my face, and things don't really get to me. 
     But some nights, I get really emotional.  I think way too hard and into detail that it literally brings up about a million different ideas into my head about whatever is going on.  This could be good, yes, but it is also a bad thing.  Then, in the moring, I'm pretty much over it, for the most part.  I know it all kind of sounds bipolar, but I swear I'm not.  It doesn't happen that often, but here recently i have been so unbelievably lonely feeling.
     I want to blame it on all the bad luck I've had with my relationships, and how it has NEVER been different.  Especially when it seemed impossible to not be.  Then it really doesn't help when I see so many people being happy and in successful relationships.  It seriously sometimes makes me start to feel insecure and paranoid.  I hate this!

     Now the thing, what do I do about this?  I can't just wait for another one of those "fish in the sea" to come find me, and I'm definatly not going fishing.  But sitting around and not dating is not helping me either.  I think I need some serious friend time.  Like 24/7.  Which is pretty much impossible with my living situation right now and all.

     I am tired of being strong.  I am tired of feeling like this.  I'm tired of complaining about it.

    I need a serious change.  Something new, something different.  Maybe that is my problem.  Most of who I am is trapped inside.  I've grown up too fast, emotionally.  It's like, me, physically, is trying to chase after the emotional side of me.  Crazy sounding?  Yeah, I know.  I don't know any other way to explain it.

     A few things I do know:

1. I definatly need to stop trying to be GOOD, CLOSE friends with gay guys.  Somehow, it always screws up.
2. The "trust" needs to stop
3. I need a really good friend who can be my backbone.  I honestly think this can only come from a guy.  I love my best friend Beth to death, but she doesn't understand guys, and has only listens to her opinions.
4. Stay busy, and listen to music at night when I'm alone or text.  That usually keeps me from getting too upset

     So, I shall keep you updated on my feelings.  Yes, I know things will be ok in the end.  I'm just, ready for it to be over with.  Who wouldn't be?

Deuces

     You know how you have those days where you get up EXTREMELY early, and that day just seems to drag on and on and on, and it's just like, seriously?  Come on!  Well today was definatly one of those days.  But in a way, I kind of liked it this time. :]

     It started up with me waking up at 7:30AM.  Ridiculous right? Crazy shit.  Anyways, I get up and shower then head to the high school to get ready for Drama Day Camp.  Drama day camp is a little workshop, or camp, that teaches kids in grades K-8 the basics of theatre.  They learn the lyrics and dance to a song then perform it for the parents at the end of the camp.  it runs from 8-4.  That is definatly a long time when you work with over 100 kids.  Especially when you have nothing to do the entire time!
     I got to work with tha pantomine part of the camp.  It was, interesting.  Let's just put it that way.  The session lasted from 9:30-10.  So pretty much after that, I had NOTHING to do.  It was reduke!
     Then throughout the day, my phone kept screwing up.  I really am starting to hate these cheap ass packaged phone.  It would randomly turn on and off.  As a matter of fact, it's doing that as i type, and has been for more than half an hour! WHAT THE HELL!??
     I did get to put on monster makeup.  The theme was "Monster Mash," so it was all about monsters and stuff.  Below are a few pics:

 You'd never guess I was indoors and that there is actually glass behind me.  It was takin in my school's cafeteria. :D

I think the kiddos that did my makeup did a pretty good job for being in a hurry!

     When I got home, I showered to wash all the makeup off.  Then made plans with Le-Andra's boytoy David B.  I met him at the basketball game last Friday.  He is a really cool guy.
     So anywho, I had to wait FOREVER for my aunt to get here with my car.  She finally came home at about, 8PM.  I picked him up at Kendra B.'s house then we headed to Evansville to go bowling.
     Unfortunatly, all of the bowling alleys we checked had waiting lists.  So we finally gave up.  It really sucked but we had a great time anyways.  We pretty much just goofed off in Walmart on the East and West sides.  It was loads of fun.  This is exactly why I want straight friends.  There were no urges to wanna do things, there was no drama, and it was all chill but so much fun at the same time.  It was so cool to hang with someone that seemed really popular, played football, basketball and baseball, and was like so understanding and didn't mind that I was a fag.  I respected that a bunch.
     In between stopping at each Walmart, we stopped at a gas station on the Lloyd Expressway that Tyler G. use to always stop at.  He would make these crazy energy drinks from the soda fountain.  They seriously make you like, so hyper.  It's almost like getting drunk, without all the sickness and after effects.  Well I had him try the drink and he ended up buying one.  After that, the night was SO GREAT!
     When all that crazy shit was done, I dropped him off at Kendra's and headed home.  At this point it was about 12AM. 

     And now here I am, it's 3AM, and I feel an all nighter coming on! :D  I'm extremely hyper, and I'm feeling so damn good right now.  I'm trying REALLY hard to be formal and shit, but being this fucked up makes it kind of difficult.  Have a great night ladies and gentlemen!!!

1.11.11

     Tonight, I just finished watching a movie called The Social Network.  Overall, it wasn't too bad of a movie.  Although, I did not like the ending or the way it was set it the present but would play flashbacks from the past.  It just kind of got boring halfway into the movie.

     Today was basically a lazy day.  I woke up and it was about 7:23 AM.  I jumped out of bed and was thinking "Fuck, I'm gonna be late, again!"  So after I wet my hair down and change clothes, I walk out of the bathroom and my aunt says something about how she told me earlier that there was no school. Chyea, I was pissed!  I definatly hoped right back into bed; after a quick bown of cereal of course.  A boi's gotta eat :]

I was browsing videos on youtube, and I found this.  I found it quite hilarious.  Definatly the highlight of my day.  Sad, isn't it? Suck it. 

If you liked it, there is a second one.  It is quite funny as well.

     I'm really getting tired of not being able to have my car to use whenever I want, and also of being lonely.  It's all pretty rediculous.  Valentines Day is coming up.  I would love to spend that with someone this year, but my luck, it'll probably just be with a friend or something.  How cute!

     Good news of the day is there is no school tomorrow!  

History Repeats Itself

     I wasn't really sure how to start this post, or even what to say exactly to make things interesting.  So I apoligize if this is kind of lame.  Remember that boi Jordan I was talking about two blogs ago?  Well things aren't going to be moving on.  I just live too far away from him; even though he only like like an hour and a half away.  With my history, I should've know this was gonna happen.  Let me tell you about our date we had; on the day before he told me it wouldn't work out.

     Thursday after school and during musical rehearsal Jordan came down to see me.  He sat in the auditorium and watched as we learned the rest of a dance to a song and learned the beginning of a new song to the musical Little Shop Of Horrors.  Everyone pretty much fell in love with him.  They all said he was extremely cute and really funny.  That of course, made me smile.  It was a really nice feeling.  After rehearsal we went to Bdubs to eat.  He did a lot of funny shit there.  He is definatly a major goofball.  I love it.  Then after dinner we went to the mall really quickly.  I bought a belt and bracelet.  After the mall we headed to the movies.  And well, I'll just leave that part out ;] 

     It was absolutely a really great night.  I wanted to ask him out so bad, but I was scared to.  I've never been scared to ask somone out before.  The next day, we weren't talking that much and I just had that feeling that something was up.  So when I saw him get online on facebook, I asked him how he felt after out date.  He said he had an amazing time and that he loved being with me and stuff (and here it comes), but he couldn't pursue things with someone who lives so far away.  He still wants to be friends though.  That's what they all say though isn't it?

     At that moment, I was just sick.  Sick of relationships, sick of trying to grow with someone and make things work, tired of things being so damn complicated, tired of getting my hopes up, and tired of all the dissapointment.  I know what you all are thinking.  It'll get better and you'll find someone.  Well, what the hell do I do until then?  I'm missing out on lot's of young memories I could be spending with someone, you know?

Here are a few pictures we took together.  We probably look our worst, but that doesn't matter.

Walking Zombie

     This week, for sure, has been a very tough week for me; physically and emotionally.  This will explain why I haven't posted on here for the past couple of days.

     Monday morning, I woke up with this really weird pain in my chest.  I just kind of figured it was something that would go away.  Well, unfortunatly I was wrong.  In my first class at school is when the pain started to become unbearable.  It was sharp, and felt like my lungs and heart were being squeezed and tied together.  It did not feel good, whatsoever.  It didn't hurt so bad if I were to sit still, but if I moved my upper body or laughed too much, the pain would increase by like a million levels!  I seriously was scared.
     After lunch, I figured I should probably go to the nurse.  She let me call my mom and my mom took me to the doctor.  The weird, nice lady had me go to the ER to take some kind of heart scan and to take some blood.  The scan scared the shit out of me!  I wasn't sure what I was about to do.  The nurse had me lift up my shirt.  Then attached all these stickers that wires clipped on to.  I felt like some robot or something.  It was crazy.  Luckily, you can't feel anything from it.  So after all that weird shit, the nurse took some blood; which is something I'm not afraid of.
     Now that all of that was finished, my mom took me home and I went straight to bed!  It was so hard to sleep or even sit still.  Somehow, I did manage to fall asleep, but I woke up very shortly after.  I just couldn't take the pain.  I was seriously rolling around in bed and like yelling random noises and shit.  I decided to get up and take some medicine.  I fell back asleep, suprisingly, and oddly enough when I woke up again the pain was gone.  Seemed like a miracle to me.
     Then, long story short, ever since then I've just had fevers.  Even up to this day.  Except, the past two days my fever has only shown up at night.  I havent even heard from the doctors yet so I don't know what is going on. 

     So again, I apoligize for not posting or keeping up with the Journal Entries.  I will start that up again next week!  Just work with me here.

:]

Bring It On 2011!

     Welcome to a whole new chapter of my life, as we shall call it.  It has been a long ride, getting as far as I have come, but there is an even bigger ride approaching.  You all, you lucky bastards, get the opportunity to come along with me in this ride :D

     It is officially 2011!  I am excited and nervous for this new year.  Being as all the bad stuff that had happened last year.  But I try to look past that and remember that there was a lot of unforgettable memories too!

     New Years didn't go exactly as planned, but it was still a major blast!  Brad and Jakey didn't get to come down, unfortunatly, but I went to Beth's house and celebrated with alot of old friends that had left for college.

     But something did happen that completely blew my mind.  Tyler Gunter, yeah that's right, hit me up on my cell phone and asked if I was free to hang out.  So I picked him up from Taco Bell and we hung out till about 6:30.  It was so much fun.  I always enjoy hanging out with that boi :]

     After that little reunion, I went straight to Beth's house.  Yes, I will post pictures.  It overall was a really good time and it was nice to see everyone there.  I'm so glad that I finally got a closure to everything that happened in 2010

     I happened to meet this really cute guy today.  His name is Jordan Allen Boils.  We became friends a couple of days ago, but after skyping with him today I realized I had a major crush on him.  He seems reall sweet and funny.  I'm trying so hard not to get my hopes up though.  After he got off to go to bed, I kind of broke down a bit and started crying.  I was crying because I was scared; scared that this is just going to be like all of my other relationships.  They start off great and seem so different than before, but turns out it's even worse than before.  But hey, I'm not gonna let fear of me striking out keep me from playing the game. 

I'm glad I manage to stay strong, somehow. So for 2011...

BRING IT ON!!